“My Nigga Made Love During A Train SMFH”
So I’m at my homie Frizz crib playing 2K with the fellas … I’m busting ass with Miami as usual … LeBron is really a X-Men in that game … I won 96-81 over the Knicks … My boy Frizz made a public service announcement better than Hov’s … He told us that we all might be getting sucked Canada dry tonight … He had a chick coming over that love Jumanji wild nights … We’ve ran trains on chicks I the past … Some chicks really love the challenge of getting 4 or 5 guys off in one night … Frizz showed us her Instagram on his IPAD … She was a calm 6 in the face and 9 in the body … So that makes her a very fuckable 7.5 … She arrives about a hour later looking extremely familiar … It felt like I met her before somewhere … She had on some leggings and Uggs … Her Uggs looked like it been through more brutal wars than Rocky Balboa … They looked severely beat up and battered … The leggings had her cake looking crazy … It wasn’t looking Tahiry crazy but still definitely crazy indeed … She also had a nice looking slut Indian weave … She immediately wanted to smoke and drink on arrival … Typical free loading bitch … My niggas sparked her up and I poured her a red cup of Henny … She guzzled the cup of Henny like it was lemonade on a summer day …
Typical trife life N story… until it took a turn down a back alley. I did NOT see that shit coming. LOL!
this is going to be the best fucking show ever
“i would describe myself as outgoing and angry.”
Oh. My. God. Where do I even begin? I has tears.
@Danchrism created these #BlackTwitterBingo cards and I’m loving it! Each card contains 25 topics that come up on Twitter often, including a free square in the middle. Topics range from “dark skinned women jokes” to “attention seeking twitpic with an unrelated caption” and one of my personal favorites “usage of the word…female causing an outrage.” Feel free to print them out & play during the day! You’d be surprised how quickly these cards will fill up. And when you get a bingo, tweet BINGO! #BlackTwitterBingo ^_^
Links to the cards are below, just in case there are issues with my attachments.
OMG this is so sadly accurate to what I observe.
I don’t do “blind dates.”
I’m not sure why I remember this story as it’s been some years since it happened but here we go…
Some day back in yesteryear, I was fresh out of my first relationship with a girl and back at home. I’d managed to find a job, start school, and purchase my very first car. At 21 I really thought I was hot shit. I mean, I could drink legally too? Hmph! Hot shit.
Anyway, so I met this girl. Syncere or Syn or as I like to call her, lil meat. We’d been talking online and decided we’d meet up at the beach and hangout. Cool. So I get all cute, hop in my lil Kia, and book it towards the beach.
As I am waiting to turn into the beach, I turn to my right and see a meaty leg and busted sneaker hanging out of an equally busted car. I said to myself, “That’s going to be her Tee. Just make this U-Turn and go home. JUST GO HOME!” Simultaneously I prayed my inner voice was wrong.
She wasn’t. I pull up next to this car. This…..is really what I see literally peering at me:
”Hey, she says.”
I almost screamed. I literally almost screamed in the girl’s face. She didn’t look a damn thing like those carefully selected photos she posted online. Now if there is one thing folks should know about me, I do not have the wits about me to get myself out of sticky situations. I end up sitting on this beach praying for divine intervention while this girl calls me “Bae” and other fuck shit that I’m not listening to. It starts to get dark and you all know darkness brings out the lust in folks. I was having NONE OF IT! Finally when I decide I’ve had enough, guess what happens?
Her car won’t start. I take her to her brother’s and she invites me in. I am hungry and thirsty. Didn’t even have a piece of bread or nary a libation out there on that beach. Nothing. On the wall of her brother’s house is a photo of him and his husband. This big ass picture. I don’t know, but it looked very ominous. And of course….it was.
Her brother comes home and starts screaming “Taqunesha! (who?) Didn’t I say you couldn’t have company?! DIDN’T I SAY YOU COULDN’T HAVE COMPANY TAQUNESHA?!”
She takes my hand and literally runs out the door. She hops in my car. I am just so……incredibly in awe that I am apart of this disaster. I take her to her cousin’s and peel off. I couldn’t get across the bridge fast enough. Halfway home she calls me and says:
“Babe, I don’t want to have to tell you this but…….I think I may have had an accident in your car.”
I slowly turn my head to the passenger seat and there…..there on my seat is a dark spot. Before I knew it, I’d started screaming. Just screaming at the top of my lungs. Guttural screams. I was so completely disgusted.
Period……period blood was on my seat.
And this is why I don’t do “blind dates.”
When will y’all learn…
one time in class the subject of ass washing came up
everyone was of course like, “yeah, that’s my main priority in the shower. wash the booty.”
and one guy seriously looked so taken aback and said, “ew! what the fuck is wrong with you guys? why would I touch my ass in the shower? I mean, I’ll wash the cheeks, but why the fuck would I even go near my asshole? I’m not a faggot.”
you mean to tell me you got sticky buns 24/7? all because you’re afraid of turning yourself gay?
Kid Fury PSA: Keep Your Hands To Yourself
Dear Kid Fury,
Thank you for taking me nearer, my God, to thee. Thank you for accurately stating the he had the spirits of the ancestors on his side. And thank you for pointing out that he’d most likely been driving around pestering bitches like her for decades, and he was just WAITING for the wrong bitch to try it. Because ya basta!—enough was enough.
I have tears in my eyes. Thank you.